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Back to Part 6.
On to Part 8.

Disclaimer: Weiss and Schwarz do not belong to me. I'm borrowing them for my and (I hope) my readers' amusement only and have no intention of trying to make money off of them in any way, shape or form.

Warnings: Yaoi. Swearing. References to past child sexual abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen and the drama CDs, so don't expect this to be consistent with them.

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Nagi x Yohji. References to Crawford x Aya-chan.

Author: The RCK
Website: http://www.therck.org
Last updated: 2 May 2003

Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.

Rheotaxis

rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it

Part 7

Yohji didn't wake when Nagi left or when gas wafted into the cell to enforce his unconsciousness, but he almost roused later, twice, once when the lights started to flicker and alarms sounded and once when a hesitant tech entered the room to check that the prisoner was still asleep. Both times, Yohji had enough awareness to fight to escape his dreams but only succeeded in conjuring nightmares.

He stood at Ken's shoulder as the younger man waited at the top of the darkened stairs. "Don't," Yohji begged. "It won't change anything. Run!" Ken ignored him and clenched his fists to extend his claws. "Ken--" Ken leapt down the stairs, and Yohji tried to follow, but he found that he couldn't move. His own wire imprisoned him, cutting into his suddenly naked flesh. He struggled wildly until his body started to disintegrate. He tried to scream, "Run, Ken!" but he didn't quite seem to be there any more.

Then Ran was there, standing over Yohji in a generically familiar corporate corridor. Ran frowned. "You can't complete the mission like that," he said and began taping the pieces of Yohji's body back together before pulling out a needle. Ran reached up and plucked a hair from his head. "This will make you more efficient." Ran threaded the needle and began to sew. "We'll eliminate your weakness."

The needle hurt as it pierced Yohji's flesh, and he tried to open his mouth to speak, to say, "But I don't want to be you--" but the pieces of his body weren't connected enough. He couldn't even close his eyes to stop watching. Then Ran became Nagi became Ran became... Yohji felt dizzy trying to follow the transformations.

"There will be a price for this," Nagi said, his hands caressing Yohji's reconstructed legs. Nagi smiled gently. "After a little while, you won't even miss it."

Ensnared in his dreams, Yohji didn't even stir when the real Nagi returned to the cell. The telekinetic frowned at finding Yohji sprawled on the floor beside the futon, still tangled in his blankets. Nagi shook his head and moved the older man back to the mattress, laid him out neatly and spread the blankets over him. Nagi lingered just for a moment to brush Yohji's sweat slick hair back from his forehead before returning to the cushion by the door.

When Yohji woke some time later, he had an instant sense of where he was. Waking's supposed to be a relief... He kept his body still and relaxed, his breathing even. In the stillness, he heard the quiet rustle of a page turning. He's here. Well, he said he would be. I don't think he's noticed I'm awake; I've got a little time to think then. Just not about my dreams. Reality's bad enough.

There's damn all I can do to help any of the others now. I can't even really help myself. No. I can't think like that. Mustn't. What have I got? Nagi's attitude has shifted; I don't know if he even knows it. Maybe. Doesn't matter, I guess. When this started, it was just something Crawford wanted him to do, and he didn't give a damn about it. Now... He wants me, to own me. And I don't think it's practical... He hasn't thought it out. He just wants. Very primal. I can use that.

Or can I? He doesn't like Balinese, and without that... I'm naked. Will I survive letting him touch Yohji? Could I prevent it? Delay, yes, I think. Not prevent. He controls everything here but my mind, and I don't know how long I can keep that. I might be able to get him to kill me, but... "First: Don't die." And I don't really want to, not while there's a chance of... something. If I choose, if I control my... fall... I can probably put myself back together later. If I fight to the end, there won't be much left.

Yohji spent a few moments focused on keeping his breathing even. His body wanted to shiver, and he couldn't allow that. But if I surrender... I won't be able to do my part when the other guys are ready to escape. He clenched his jaw then forced the muscles to relax. I hope nobody saw that. Okay, Kudoh, look at what you just said. When not if. I think it's really if... Even if it's when... Well, Ken's weeks away from being able to try. Omi's mentally out of it and in a cell like this one. Neither of them's going to help much any time soon. And by the time they can... No. I'll be too much a liability then, whether I fight or surrender. I can't let them take me with them even if by some miracle they still want me. Ran... I know Ran. Aya-chan comes first. He won't even think about leaving unless he can get her out, and he won't endanger her to come after me. For Omi maybe. Maybe. But not for me. He swallowed hard. The truth is bitter, but that doesn't make it less true.

Despair washed through him, making him want to curl in tightly on himself. With effort, he held his position, continued feigning sleep. If I leave the others out of the equation for the moment... I guess it comes down to one question-- Is there a way for me to own Naoe Nagi as much as he will me? It would be easier to answer that one if I was sure who he is. I think... I think I could make kindness his habit. He likes the power, though. That could go really bad. Yohji was unable to avoid a shudder as his body raced ahead of his articulated thoughts. He mentally dug in his heels. No. Not going there. Borrowing trouble.

"Yohji-kun?" Nagi's voice was loud enough to carry but soft enough that it probably wouldn't have woken Yohji if he'd truly still been asleep.

He noticed. Make a show of waking up. "Hmm?" Yohji rolled to face the rest of the cell. He yawned, crunched his eyelids closed then widened his eyes while blinking rapidly. He yawned again. "Good morning, Nagi-san. I hope I haven't kept you waiting." Is it morning? Damn it! Any time I wake up is morning! It doesn't actually matter, after all.

Nagi's lips quirked in a half smile that told Yohji that the telekinetic was perfectly well aware that Yohji didn't care who'd been kept waiting. "I hope you slept well."

Yohji pushed himself up on one elbow and shrugged the other shoulder. "Well enough." I'm not confessing to nightmares. Let's at least pretend I've got somewhere to retreat. "I miss anything?"

"We had a brass band through earlier... But no, not much."

At Nagi's dry retort, Yohji felt a knot of tension of which he'd not previously been aware ease. He's not in a bad mood. Thank god. He grinned. "They play anything good?" He sat up, pulling his blankets-- He left me the other one-- around his body.

"Not really, no." Nagi carefully set his book on the floor. "How do you feel, Yohji-kun?"

"Um..." Like crap, but I'm not going to say that. Why not? It'd bring out the kindness... No. I need to look like I'm not asking for it; I don't think it's my weaknesses that interest him. Yohji reached up to run fingers through his hair and winced as he hit tangle after tangle. "I need to shower."

Nagi nodded. "Do you think you're up to eating something first?"

No. "Maybe... Just not--" Yohji groaned as Nagi reached back and pulled out a familiar looking cylinder. Yohji let his shoulders slump. "I don't think so. Please..."

"Try it, Yohji-kun." Nagi's tone held no flexibility. "The doctors say it may go down easier if you alternate with something solid, so I brought you some rice. It should even still be warm."

He knew when I was going to wake up. Yohji shivered. Of course, he did. I bet he drugged me again. With reluctance, he raised his hands to receive the protein drink. "What's the flavor this time?"

"Chocolate." Nagi shrugged. "You didn't seem to care much for the peach, so..." Once Yohji'd caught the cylinder, Nagi floated a covered tray toward the mattress. "Is there some other flavor you'd prefer?"

Yohji wrinkled his nose. So I'm not going to see the end of this stuff any time soon... "I don't know. Any you'd recommend?"

"Well, I like chocolate generally. I've never actually tried that stuff."

Yohji unscrewed the cap. My hands are shaking. I wonder if I can even walk? He sniffed dubiously at the contents which this time were just the brown side of gray. It doesn't smell too bad. Not that it smelled bad last time. He took a sip then looked at Nagi. "But it wasn't so much flavor as... texture." I've damn near wrecked myself. I think I'm better than last time I woke up; I'm just feeling worse because... because he's not medicating me this time. How could I be that stupid? He took another swallow and made a face. Then he reached for the tray. No. The question's what's stupid. Wearing myself out was the closest I could come to getting out of here for a little while. There's no way out... Nobody deals well with this sort of crap. Gotta cut myself some slack. "Rice balls?"

Nagi smiled at his surprise. "I thought it would be easier if the rice was already divided. Besides--" His expression took on a glimmer of near malice that nearly made Yohji cringe until he realized it wasn't directed at him. "The cooks here need the reminder that their ways aren't the only ways."

Are we not in Japan any more? Yohji ate some rice then took another larger swallow of the drink. It's not so bad this time. Did the drugs make it worse? Or was I just too worn out? Or... Never mind. Just keep going. You need the fuel. Yohji worked his way quickly through both rice and beverage. He fought the temptation to linger, to delay. He's still going to be there, waiting, no matter how long I take. That realization made him want to curl up and turn his back on the world again. And what happens to me if something happens to him? Will I just be left alone here or will somebody else-- Stop it! Just... Stop. You're not helping yourself.

When he finally finished, Yohji looked at Nagi. Nagi'd picked up his book again and seemed to be reading slowly. "Nagi-san--" Yohji shook his head, not really sure what he wanted to say.

Nagi put down his book, carefully marking his place. "Yes, Yohji-kun? Have you finished?"

Yohji nodded. "I'd like to shower now." I... I fucking hate this. A man shouldn't have to feel like he's begging when he wants to wash.

Nagi picked up his book but didn't open it. "Go ahead then. You know where everything is."

Yohji shut his eyes briefly. Of course. He's not going anywhere. I suppose he thinks I'll smell better afterward. Is he going to do me then? He fought a shudder. I should be glad he's watching. I want him to look at me, to admire me. I need that. I just... He opened his eyes. His fingers curled around the fabric of his blankets. It's not like he hasn't seen me naked before. Not like everybody out there hasn't... He shuddered. Balinese could do this. He'd even enjoy it. I...

Nagi opened his book. He met Yohji's eyes. "Do you read much, Yohji-kun?"

What? Yohji shook his head. "Not really, Nagi-san." I shouldn't feel ashamed of that. Lots of people don't. Does he want me to read? He shrugged and forced a small smile. "It reminds me too much of school. At least, the books people tell me I ought to like do." No. No, I think he's just distracting me. He's good at these mind games too. I've got to remember that. His smile became slightly more genuine. Encourage him; he's being kind. "What are you reading?"

Nagi's expression became warmer in response. "Kon Tiki. It's the story of some men who built a balsa wood raft then used it to cross the Pacific."

Yohji shook his head. "Why the hell would someone do something like that?"

"I believe they were trying to prove a theory." Nagi seemed to consider. "I don't think it's a trip I'd want to take, but it's fun to read about." He hesitated then went on, "If you'd like to borrow it, Yohji-kun, I don't mind. I've read it before, so you wouldn't have to wait. It'd be something to do."

"Please!" Yohji couldn't quite conceal his eagerness. Not that I want to. Really. The book sounds stupid, but it'll be something to think about that isn't... I'm going crazy alone with my thoughts, my fears. I knew he was smart. It's a damn good trap, and I'm going to walk into it with my eyes open.

Nagi nodded firmly. "You'd better take your shower then." He turned his eyes to the page in front of him.

Yohji pushed the blankets away and started to get up. His legs proved less steady than he'd expected, and he almost fell. Damn! Carefully now. You need to be able to stand on your own. He reached his feet and managed a wobbling step. I thought I was feeling better. It must just be that the drugs are gone-- My brain's clearer, but my body's not quite... I wonder what I look like. This won't work if I look repulsive.

I don't really want this to work...

He reached the corner by the sink and spent a while brushing his teeth and attempting to work the tangles out of his hair. Is he watching? No, don't let him see you look. Yes, he's watching, and he doesn't want me to know. Good. What the hell did he do to my hair? Yohji worked at pretending that Nagi wasn't there. I'm not showing off for him; I'm pretending that I don't have an audience. Balinese would show off. Kudoh Yohji... Fuck it. It doesn't matter what I want. I desperately need to show Nagi what Kudoh Yohji can be. Best advantage.

God. I sound like such a girl. "Am I showing him my good side?"

Finally, he ran out of excuses to delay and reached to turn on the shower. He took his time washing. So who is Naoe Nagi? I need to know that. There's something of Crawford, something of Schuldig, but... I think the sense of humor's his. I hope so. I like it. He reads adventure novels. No, from the way he talked about it, I think it's nonfiction. Does he really want to be either Crawford or Schuldig? When Crawford was here, Nagi didn't seem to like him that much, but that could have been a put up. They were so playing with me.

He hasn't turned a page in the last five minutes. Good. I'm getting to him. I'm getting to me, too. Or maybe he is. Balinese likes an audience; I never thought I would. It's just... hot... knowing I'm getting to him.

There's a lot he doesn't know. I think wanting me surprises him. How old is he really? Schuldig said even Nagi doesn't know. He's attractive. I wonder what it'd be like to touch him... No. Don't go there. If you make a mistake that way, he'll kill you. I'm just surprised I'm noticing. I shouldn't be. Fuck it. It's better than flinching at the sight of him, and that's what I should be doing.

Yohji took his time washing his hair, letting himself enjoy the process. Hair between my fingers. Slippery, smooth. A catch there... Fingers on my scalp. Massage a little. Oh, that's good. If only someone else were doing it... Oh, yeah, my fingers can comb through now. No more fucking knots. I wonder... Could I influence Nagi? I think he could be someone I could like. Well, if none of this had happened... No. Don't go there. This is the reality I have to deal with.

With great reluctance, he turned off the water and turned to look fully at Nagi. See if he's got any commands...

Nagi set his book down again and cocked his head to one side. "Done? Good. Here, I'm sure you'll want this." A towel floated from the cart beside Nagi toward Yohji.

Yohji touched it with tentative fingers, as if afraid it would evaporate, then clutched it to his body. No. Have to keep from letting him see that weakness. Or at least... Look like I'm trying to keep him from seeing it. He shook the towel out and proceeded to rub himself dry. Luxury... You don't think about how wonderful having a towel is until... He squeezed water out of his hair. Is he going to take this back? Wait. He hasn't asked for it yet. Maybe he won't. Yohji wrapped the damp cloth around his waist. Then he stood there, waiting for Nagi to tell him what to do.

Nagi frowned a little. "You should sit down again, Yohji-kun. You're not very strong yet. I'll have them bring more food."

Yohji nodded once, lowering his head in a motion that was more bow than anything. What's he doing? No. Forget that. This is good, really good. But... I want... He shivered. I do not want him to touch me. He started walking.

"Yohji-kun."

Yohji froze. That was gentle. I didn't do anything wrong. He didn't't sound angry. What--

"Come here for a second." Nagi pointed at a bit of floor near the edge of his cushion.

Yohji felt a strange combination of ice and heat in his belly. He's going to touch me! His breath came a little faster. I shouldn't-- No. Use it. Think about right and wrong later. Survival first. He knelt a short distance from the indicated spot and inched forward. Keep your hands down. You don't want to set him off accidentally. He clenched his hands in the cloth of the towel then forced himself to let go as the pull stretched the cloth tight across his groin. Don't want to make that any worse. Or let him see it. God, I hope Ran's not watching.

"A little closer, Yohji-kun." Nagi remained very still as if thinking that movement on his part might make Yohji bolt.

And it might... Except... I want this. Sour shame washed through him, nearly choking him. Yohji edged closer. What does he want? He stared at Nagi, then, realizing what he was doing, lowered his head so that he looked at the floor between them.

Nagi's fingers grasped Yohji's chin, lifting it. "It's all right to look at me." Nagi smiled. "At least this time." He moved toward Yohji and leaned in for a kiss.

As Nagi's lips touched his, Yohji leaned forward too. Yes... He parted his lips, allowing Nagi's tongue to slip into his mouth. I really do want this. Yohji kept his hands at his sides. I must not touch him. Does he realize I want this? Am I allowed to kiss him back?

Nagi's teeth tugged gently on Yohji's lower lip, and Nagi's hands cupped Yohji's face. Nagi pulled back for a fraction of a second to breathe then brought their lips together again. During that moment, Yohji whimpered, moaned a protest and started to push forward. Don't stop! God, this is sick. I shouldn't want this, but... I'm hard, just from the kiss. If he looks down--

Nagi's hand crept behind Yohji's head, pulling him in closer, and Yohji made no move to resist. Instead, his tongue moved tentatively to meet Nagi's. He can only kill me. Yes, he could. Hell, my libido never did have common sense.

Nagi's hand tightened a little on Yohji's neck. Yes... Yohji started to raise a hand. No. He aborted the gesture and sobbed a little in frustration. A fierce ache grew beneath his collarbone. I need-- No. Don't touch! Maybe...

Nagi pulled back at Yohji's sob. Their eyes met, and Nagi frowned. His grip on Yohji's neck loosened. Nagi trailed his fingers along the side of Yohji's neck and stopped with his hand flat on Yohji's chest.

What does he see? Yohji struggled to control his breathing. His face felt hot. Has he looked down? Fuck it. He lifted one hand so that his fingertips just touched the back of Nagi's hand. I do want this. I do. No response. Is that good? Yohji bit his lip for a second then, holding his breath, he lifted his other hand. He brushed the backs of his fingers across Nagi's cheek. He just shaved... I'm such a slut. Fear and desire clashed in Yohji's belly, roiling together to produce a sick sensation of shame. Both hands dropped to his sides. He turned his head, lowering it so that his eyes no longer met Nagi's. I don't want to see it coming. What does he think of me? He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san."

"Yohji-kun--" Nagi's voice sounded hoarse.

That's lust. Still lust. Thank god. Yohji risked opening his eyes.

"I'd almost think you wanted this..." Nagi began tracing spirals on Yohji's chest. Nagi's facial expression flickered between puzzlement and hope.

I do. What's wrong with me? No. As long as I want... It'll make him happy, and I'll-- Yohji nodded abruptly. "Please, Nagi-san. I--" He shook his head in frustration. I'm going to have to say it. I just hope... Please don't let Ran be watching. He leaned into Nagi's touch. "I want..."

"What do you want?" Nagi hooked a finger under Yohji's chin and lifted then leaned to brush his lips across Yohji's.

Maybe I can... Feeling greatly daring, Yohji rested his hands lightly on Nagi's knees. Nagi twitched, and Yohji snatched his hands back. Apparently not.

Nagi leaned back and regarded Yohji through narrowed eyes. "What do you want?" There was more hostility in the question this time. Nagi's eyes wandered over Yohji's body. "Take off the towel, Yohji-kun."

Yohji hesitated. What is this? I'm not usually shy. His hands hovered an inch or two from the towel for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, grasped the cloth and pulled. He couldn't bring himself to look at Nagi. And I'm damn well not looking down, either. Where-- Yes. Over his shoulder works... Yohji felt cold then hot. Let go of the towel, Kudoh; you look stupid clutching it. My hands'll shake if I let go. Yes, but he'll like that. He released his grip and brought his hands to rest on his thighs. Balinese wouldn't blush like this. But it's good; Nagi doesn't like Balinese. "I want..."

Nagi drew in his breath sharply, and he leaned forward. His fingers stopped centimeters from Yohji's erect cock; then he drew back a little.

Please... Yohji whimpered and just barely restrained himself from moving forward. He doesn't want me. No-- He doesn't want that. He's never touched it before, not with his hands. His cock shrank as he took in the rejection. Yohji dropped his hands to the floor and leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Nagi-san. I..." No. Last time I said something about his fear, he hurt me. Not again. He turned his head and laid it in Nagi's lap, laying his body flat on the floor and carefully keeping his hands back out of the way. He doesn't like them either, I don't think.

And I still want this. How sick is that? Yohji sighed and nuzzled Nagi's leg as Nagi's fingers wound themselves in Yohji's damp hair. And he still wants it, too. At least-- Yohji tilted his head back so that he could rub his face against the bulge in Nagi's pants. Yes. You like that, don't you? Nagi's hands clenched in Yohji's hair. Yes. I submit. I'm begging. How the hell am I going to live with myself? Stop it! No doubts now that I've gone this far.

"So what do you want, Yohji-kun?" Nagi's breath came rapidly making his speech uneven.

Yohji whimpered and raised his head a little to rub against Nagi's hands. Do it right or you won't get anything. Do it wrong, and he'll kill you. "I need you to touch me, Nagi-san. I-- That's... that's all that's real now. I--" I do want him-- No. Not him. Just... somebody. He's handsome. He smells nice. He even feels nice when he's not hurting me. "Please." He turned his face so that it pressed against Nagi's leg. I don't want... Yes. I do. Too late. Just damn well say it. He wants to fuck you, but you're going to have to ask. I wish... I'd like to touch his skin for once.

Nagi stroked Yohji's back. "Do I frighten you that much?" He leaned down and kissed the back of Yohji's head.

Yohji nodded against Nagi's leg. Do I have to be here right now? Make this decision? He opened his mouth. It's just words, and I do want him. He shivered and curved his back into Nagi's touch.

"Where do you want me to touch you, Yohji-kun?" Nagi whispered, his breath ghosting over the back of Yohji's neck.

Yohji raised his head again, using his arms to give himself a little leverage. "Do you want to touch me, Nagi-san? I-- Anywhere. May I--" He hesitated then nuzzled Nagi's crotch. He pressed his lips against the cloth covered hardness he found there. "May I touch you?"

Nagi's sharp intake of breath told Yohji'd that he'd played things correctly. He won't be thinking with his head in a moment, at least, not the one on his shoulders. I've still got it.

Nagi's hands moved to either side of Yohji's head and urged him upward. Yohji scrambled to comply. He expected to be pulled in for another kiss but instead found himself pushed gently back to his knees. Nagi shrugged out of his jacket.

A little armor gone. What does he look like under that? Yohji's eyes followed Nagi's hands. He can hurt me with those... Or not. Yohji put his hands together over his crotch. Nothing to be ashamed of, but-- He didn't like it before. He licked his lips and forced himself to look at Nagi's face.

Nagi hooked fingers above the knot of his tie. "Touch yourself." He looked Yohji up and down. "Show me..." He pulled the tie from his neck then stretched the cloth between his hands.

Yohji shuddered as the tie went taut with a slight pop. Go on. Give him a show. He bit his lip and looked at the floor, wishing there was some way he could conceal the flush of shame burning his body. He shuddered again at the thought of baring himself so. But my cock certainly likes the idea. He moved one hand away and shifted his weight so that he could part his legs. Careful. Don't finish it too soon... God! He wrapped his hand around the shaft, squeezed lightly and ran his thumb along the tip. He threw his head back, letting his eyes slide closed and a low moan escape his lips. Yes. Oh, yes.

Nagi stood, but Yohji barely noticed. His other hand crept down to cup his balls and tease the skin of his inner thighs. There. He gasped. God, right there!

"Enough!" The ragged edge in Nagi's voice made the command more vehement.

Yohji whimpered. Please... "Nagi-san--" His hands remained where they had been, motionless. He opened his eyes and was surprised to realize that Nagi was no longer in front of him. That's right. He got up, didn't he?

"No, Yohji-kun. Not yet." Nagi sounded like he was breathing fast, but his tone was soothing.

With reluctance, Yohji moved his hands. I think he's behind me. Oh. He felt the air move as Nagi stepped closer to him from behind and to the right. What does he want? Yohji turned his head. Okay. I can do that.

Nagi had opened his pants and lowered his boxers. He stepped closer till his knees touched Yohji's shoulder and his cock brushed Yohji's cheek. Nagi ran gentle fingers along Yohji's hairline. "I believe you said you wanted to touch me..."

Yohji turned his head and opened his lips. As his mouth closed around Nagi, Yohji felt a jolt of pleasure. Almost as if I were getting instead of giving... He twisted himself, inching around until his entire body faced Nagi. Yohji let his tongue wander. No hands. Definitely. He tucked his hands between his thighs and his calves. He felt Nagi's hands tangle in his hair. Yes, he likes that. Deeper. At least he's clean, smells mostly of soap. I can deal with that. Yohji closed his eyes. Such high standards I've got... He applied gentle suction, pulling back until only the tip of Nagi's shaft remained between his lips, teasing the foreskin with his tongue. Remember to breathe. Deep again.

Nagi made an inarticulate noise of pleasure and pushed his hips forward. Yohji gagged a little but adjusted. And I don't think he even noticed. I could finish him quick this way. Easy. But... His own cock still stood erect, throbbing, begging for attention. But I still... need... something. Nagi's fingers pressed into Yohji's scalp with bruising force. I need to think. Something's not right. No. I don't need to think. Not right now. I need-- Yohji began to pull back slowly. His greatest fear, that Nagi would hold him, not allow a retreat, proved unfounded. Nagi released his grip with noticeable reluctance, but he did let Yohji move. There. And there. And... Yohji teased with tongue and breath as he moved his face alongside Nagi's cock. Careful. He won't like being scraped by your whiskers, not there. He opened his mouth wide and began to suck at Nagi's balls, taking in as much as he could.

Nagi sighed, and one of his hands moved to stroke Yohji's hair. We've backed away from the edge, and he's not upset. As long as I seem to be giving him my full attention... Gradually, Yohji sat back again, letting his head lean against Nagi's thigh. "Nagi-san..."

"Why are you stopping?" Nagi sounded curious rather than angry, and Yohji felt relief sweep through him, relief that left curiosity in its wake. I don't have time for that right now.

"Nagi-san, please--" Yohji hesitated. I don't want to say it. Just damn well do it! "Please... I want you to fuck me." He felt Nagi move, a sudden involuntary shifting, and heard Nagi draw in his breath sharply.

Nagi knelt beside Yohji and ran hands over Yohji's shoulders. "You never wanted that before. You never wanted any of it before." Yohji thought he heard uncertainty in the words.

Yohji swallowed hard and looked away. "My body's not explaining things to me right now. I..." He turned back toward Nagi, keeping his head bowed. "I'm confused," he whispered. I didn't want to admit that to him.

"Of course you are." Nagi cupped a gentle hand around Yohji's chin and lifted. "It's all right." He breathed softly in Yohji's ear then kissed his way down Yohji's neck.

Yohji arched his neck toward Nagi's lips and sighed. Oh, yes... Just let him lead. Let him... "Nagi-san, may I-- Is it all right if I put my arms around you?" Yohji felt Nagi's sudden hesitation, a stillness that that might break in any direction. Stupid. Stupid.

Then Nagi moved, pulling Yohji's body toward his own. "All right."

Yohji let his upper body relax against Nagi. I don't think he's quite sure, but... Yohji raised his arms slowly and wrapped them lightly around Nagi's torso. I wish he'd relax. I don't want to think about him hurting me right now. Yohji buried his face against Nagi's neck. The crisp cotton of Nagi's collar pressed Yohji's cheek, and he smelled starch. What does he want now? Yohji shuddered once then forced himself to be still.

Nagi closed his teeth on Yohji's shoulder with just enough force to show that the bite was intentional. No. Relax. Let him do it. Besides, you still want this. Nagi ran a hand down Yohji's side, pausing briefly at the hip then continuing on. He squeezed Yohji's thigh and stroked the skin with his thumb. He won't, will he? Nagi moved his hand back to Yohji's arm. No, I guess not.

Yohji felt tears prickling in his eyes. "Am I that disgusting?" he whispered into the cloth of Nagi's shirt. Shut the fuck up, Kudoh! You're going to wreck this.

Nagi growled softly; Yohji felt the vibration more than heard it. Nagi lifted Yohji's head and brought their lips together in a bruising kiss. Yohji parted his lips in eager welcome, letting Nagi bend him backward. Then, greatly daring, Yohji moved one of his hands against Nagi's back, gently stroking. Nagi started slightly then pressed the kiss harder.

Then Nagi pulled back. "No, you're beautiful, Yohji," he replied in a husky voice. He leaned in again and nibbled Yohji's earlobe. "Yohji. Mine."

Yohji felt a sudden spike in the tension in his loins. His hips twitched upward, and he made a strangled noise consisting of equal parts protest and agreement. Beautiful? I am? Of course, I am. God--

Nagi ran his hand over Yohji's chest. "Yes." The word came out half hiss. "Mine." He teased at a nipple.

I'm acting like I want to be owned-- Yohji shied away from the thought, moving instead to nuzzle Nagi's hand. Tease him a little. He licked at the fingers then pulled one slowly into his mouth, sucking, licking and nibbling at it. I can do a lot for you, Nagi-san... If you'll let me.

Nagi pulled his hand back then trailed his saliva slicked finger along Yohji's cheek. He outlined Yohji's lips but refused to allow his hand to be caught again. Instead, he caressed Yohji's neck, continuing down to just brush his collarbone. "Someday, Yohji," Nagi said softly, almost whispering in Yohji's ear. "Someday, I'm going to touch every centimeter of your skin, enjoy it all, but-- Not today. For now, I'm just going to fuck you. I want to see you come with me inside you."

Yohji's mind split, half panic, half lust. Not now! He sighed mentally. The mind's divided, but the body's certain. I'd say the body wins. He bent to kiss Nagi's neck, nudging his nose between Nagi's skin and collar. I just wish... If I couldn't see him, I could pretend it's not him. A sudden thought occurred to him. "Nagi-san, do you have--" He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Did you bring lube?" Please. I don't want to improvise or...

Nagi smiled. "Don't worry, Yohji." He extended a hand to one side, and a tube floated into his grasp. "Just lie back and enjoy it."

No! Yohji's arms tightened momentarily around Nagi, and he buried his face in Nagi's shirt. Yes. Try a way around it... "I--" He pulled back a little, forcing himself to loosen his grip. At least, he didn't freak when I squeezed. That was stupid. He looked away. "I'll get you dirty." Will he buy that? Why shouldn't he? It's true.

Nagi made a noise of displeasure and frowned. "I don't care," he replied flatly. Then his eyes narrowed. "Are you changing your mind, Yohji-kun?"

Yohji shook his head frantically, suppressing a sudden shudder of fear as some part of his mind noted Nagi's sudden retreat to a more formal form of address. Even if I had, I wouldn't dare now... "No, Nagi-san. Not that. I just--" He felt a flush rising and bowed his head in response. So much shame... "It might be easier if you... If you come from behind." Then I won't have to see you, you won't see my cock, and I won't be tempted to use my hands. I can pretend you're someone else, and maybe I won't do anything to make you hurt me. Please...

"Is that what you really want?" Nagi used a hand to force Yohji to look at him.

Yohji licked his lips. Do you want me to crawl? I will. The bitterness in his own thoughts surprised him. However much I may hate myself for it later... He met Nagi's eyes squarely. "It's what I want. Do you want me to beg for it?" Yes, I think you do. I suppose we'll get to that eventually. Just, please, not today.

Nagi nodded abruptly and released his grip on Yohji's chin. "Do it, then."

Yohji rose to his knees and untangled the towel from his legs. He moved awkwardly toward Nagi's cushion. He laid the towel over it then lowered himself onto the soft surface. He bunched the pillow a little under himself, clutching at it with his hands. That's right-- Get my ass in the air so he can-- No. Remember, you wanted-- want-- this. He heard Nagi moving behind him and lowered his head, cradling it on one arm.

Nagi leaned in to stroke Yohji's back, the fabric of his shirt brushing Yohji's buttocks. He planted kisses along the length of Yohji's spine, stopping only when he reached the cleft of Yohji's ass. Then Nagi molded his hands to the contours of Yohji's hips. "Up a little."

Yohji obediently raised his hips a bit further. Then he gasped as he felt again the pressure of Nagi's telekinesis on his cock. Damn hard to pretend he's someone else when he's using three 'hands.' Maybe two someone elses? He hissed a startled breath as Nagi's power squeezed gently and began moving up and down. Fuck it. Yohji rocked his hips and moaned. "So good..."

"Careful," Nagi warned, putting pressure on the tip of Yohji's erection. "I'm not ready yet."

Yohji froze. Even his mind didn't seem to be working. He remained as still as his ragged breathing would allow as Nagi began the task of carefully stretching him. As the first finger penetrated, Yohji found that he was holding his breath and forced himself to exhale carefully. Yes... It's about damn time! He twitched his hips back against Nagi's hand. Now! Deeper! Faster! Better give him something... "Please, Nagi-san-- Fuck me! Please!"

Nagi growled low, a possessive sound rather than a hostile one. He leaned forward over Yohji's back and whispered, "As you wish." Then Nagi moved his hand away. Almost immediately, his cock nudged at Yohji's entrance.

Wait! No! I'm not ready-- But I-- I want-- Yohji clenched his hands around the cushion and struggled not to scream as Nagi entered his body more violently than he had previously done. Hurts! No... Good. Oh, god! Yohji moaned and pushed his body back against Nagi's in response to pleasure that only part of him was feeling. Hurts... No. Yes. No. Confused... He forced his mind and body to focus on what felt good. Time to figure the rest out later...

Then one of Nagi's thrusts found Yohji's prostate. "Yes! There, Nagi-san! Right there--" Yohji threw his head back, clenching his jaw in an effort to delay his climax as Nagi found that sweet spot again.

"Don't fight it," Nagi commanded breathlessly. "Come for me. I want to see it."

Yohji rolled his eyes back just enough to see Nagi's face. He's just barely holding on himself. Yohji inhaled and very deliberately relaxed into the tension that threatened to swallow him. He lost himself for a moment and was only dimly aware of Nagi's release. When Yohji became aware of his surroundings again, he realized that he'd collapsed forward with Nagi on top of him and could feel a warm wetness on the towel beneath him.

That was amazing. God, I haven't felt like that since... I don't know. He blinked as a contrary thought rose. That was awful. He wasn't gentle, he didn't stretch me enough, and it hurt like hell. I... don't understand. I wanted it. I asked for it, but... I don't get off on pain. But I did this time. Before Yohji could analyze his confusion, Nagi stirred.

"That was amazing," he murmured, running fingers through Yohji's hair. Then Nagi rolled to one side. He pulled Yohji up against him and wrapped both arms around him.

Yohji sighed and relaxed against Nagi. I won't think about it yet. I'll just... feel whatever I feel. No. I need to sort this out before I drown. Satisfaction-- Okay, that's normal enough. Exhaustion-- I'm still in pretty bad shape. Shame-- I'll play the whore to survive. Not what I want, but... Triumph-- I got what I wanted. I won. I did? Possessive pride-- What? I don't understand. Yohji felt his body starting to tense. No. I can't afford to upset him now. He's pleased with himself, with me. It's safer just to relax.

He gave a little sigh and did his best to cuddle up to Nagi. I'm too bony now to do this properly. How much weight have I lost?

After a moment, Nagi moved again. "You must be exhausted, Yohji-kun. Do you want me to help you get to your bed?"

Back to formal address, but I think it's okay now. He's not thinking I'm rejecting him. But moving away could be bad right now. "I'd just like to rest here for a moment, Nagi-san. Maybe after... after you get dressed."

Nagi moved back, carefully unwinding his arms from Yohji's body. Nagi laughed softly and patted Yohji's shoulder. "All right. Just let me know if you need anything. I plan to take very good care of you." He stood.

And so you should. What? Yohji's body jerked slightly as he tried to stop the flow of his feelings so that he could examine them. I've just surrendered to him, but part of me's reacting like I've established myself as pack alpha. What the hell is going on in my head? The arm and shoulder pressing into the floor began to hurt, so he pulled himself up till he was sitting. Look at the weird things... Triumph. Possessiveness. Dominance. Damn. Even how I felt when I started giving him that blow job. I'm not-- Fuck!

Those weren't, these aren't my feelings-- They're his! Yohji looked up at Nagi. "What have you done to me?" he demanded, the words coming out half snarl and half plaintive wail. He swallowed convulsively as fear tightened his throat.

Nagi's eyes narrowed a little.

Bewilderment. Hurt. "Get the fuck out of my head!" Yohji wrapped his arms over his head in a vain attempt at shielding and started to rock back and forth.

Puzzlement. Vague anger. "Yohji-kun," Nagi responded with careful patience, "I only did what you asked. It's too late to change your mind now."

He's got more control after he's gotten laid... Yohji shoved the thought aside as irrelevant. Not now! He shook his head. He doesn't know! Whatever the hell this is, he doesn't know. For a moment, survival instinct displaced all emotion. Don't let him find out. Yohji curled himself down until his head touched his knees and continued to rock. "I can't-- I thought-- But I can't." But I could. I did. This position almost literally rubs my nose in it. What the hell have they done to me?

Nagi crouched and touched Yohji's arm, and Yohji flinched. Use it. That hurt him. "Don't touch me!" He let his voice soften into pleading. "Please, Nagi-san. You're everywhere, and I can't get away. Just-- Don't touch me."

"Sit up then." Nagi's tone was even, but Yohji's gut clenched. Nagi straightened to his full height.

He doesn't want me to know that he feels this. Yohji pulled his body in as tightly as he could. Half an hour ago, I'd have thought I was reading inflection, body language, something... But I'm not. Am I crazy or-- What have they done to me? No. Not now. Yohji straightened slowly. He kept his eyes on Nagi with a wariness that he didn't have to fake.

Nagi raised his hand, and Yohji shied back with a violence that surprised both of them. This time, a flicker of hurt did cross Nagi's face. He lowered his hand. "A few minutes ago, you were begging for me to touch you." Nagi's lips curled in a sneer. "You certainly seemed to enjoy it."

Anger. Yes. Make him angry; he won't think then, won't realize-- Yohji curled his own lip, letting Nagi's growing anger become his own. "I played the way you wanted. Didn't it please you? You certainly acted like it was what you wanted." If I really piss him off, he'll hurt me again. Can I take that? Better that than-- "You're the rapist here, Nagi-san. And the amateur."

Nagi's open hand smashed into Yohji's cheek, knocking him into an ungainly sprawl. "Whore," Nagi said without heat, but cutting anger shone in his eyes.

Yohji pulled himself back to his knees. That bastard hurt me! Well, I'll show him. I know just how to hurt him back. A distant part of Yohji's mind tried to remind him that the rage was borrowed and that acting on it didn't fit the plan, but Nagi's hurt anger had already melded with Yohji's suppressed fury, shame and fear.

"I suppose you'd know." Yohji bit off each word and spat it at Nagi. "You've been there. You've done it. Can you honestly tell me that you never gave him-- the man who raped you-- just what he wanted? Never hoped he'd be pleased? That he'd be kinder? That he'd stop sooner?"

Nagi went utterly white, utterly still.

You feel it, you son of a bitch? Good. "Of course not. You're better than that. Too smart. Too strong. Too damn powerful. You always have a fucking choice." Yohji paused and licked his lips. He's going to kill you, that distant part of his mind shouted, but he ignored it and went on. "And it never worked well enough to keep you safe, did it? You were never good enough to make him go away. Did he make you thank him for it, Nagi-san?" Yohji glared at Nagi. "Did he make you plead for it? Did he make you love him?" He lowered his voice while maintaining its intensity. "Did he make you say it?"

Nagi stepped back, his movements slowed by a visible tremor.

Now he's going to kill me. Funny. I'm not really scared...

But Nagi wouldn't meet Yohji's eyes. Instead, he turned and walked toward the door. It opened, and he passed through without so much as a backward glance.

Yohji stared at the closed door for a moment before a smile of savage triumph spread across his face. I won! I hurt him for a change. I won.

But, that doubting part of his mind asked, what happens when he comes back?

Never mind. I want a shower.

Back to Index.
Back to Part 6.
On to Part 8.

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