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Back to Part 6.
On to Part 8.
Disclaimer: Weiss and Schwarz do not belong to me. I'm borrowing
them for my and (I hope) my readers' amusement only and have no
intention of trying to make money off of them in any way, shape or
Warnings: Yaoi. Swearing. References to past child sexual
abuse. Nonconsensual sex. Bondage. Although I'm setting this a couple
of years past the main series, Nagi's age combined with his actions may
squick some people. Also, I'm ignoring Gluhen and the drama CDs, so
don't expect this to be consistent with them.
Pairings: Nagi x Yohji. References to Crawford x Aya-chan.
Author: The RCK
Last updated: 2 May 2003
Thanks to Amy the Evitable and Briar Rose for beta reading this
chapter. Thanks also to Amy the Evitable for encouraging me to keep
writing and assuring me that it all could and did work.
rhe-o-tax-is: the tendency of an organism to move in response to the
stimulus of a current of water, either with the current or against it
Yohji didn't wake when Nagi left or when gas wafted into the cell to
enforce his unconsciousness, but he almost roused later, twice, once
the lights started to flicker and alarms sounded and once when a
tech entered the room to check that the prisoner was still asleep. Both
times, Yohji had enough awareness to fight to escape his dreams but
succeeded in conjuring nightmares.
He stood at Ken's shoulder as the younger man waited at the
top of the darkened stairs. "Don't," Yohji begged. "It won't change
anything. Run!" Ken ignored him and clenched his fists to extend his
claws. "Ken--" Ken leapt down the stairs, and Yohji tried to follow,
but he found that
he couldn't move. His own wire imprisoned him, cutting into his
naked flesh. He struggled wildly until his body started to
He tried to scream, "Run, Ken!" but he didn't quite seem to be there
Then Ran was there, standing over Yohji in a generically familiar
corporate corridor. Ran frowned. "You can't complete the mission like
that," he said and began taping the pieces of Yohji's body back
together before pulling
out a needle. Ran reached up and plucked a hair from his head. "This
make you more efficient." Ran threaded the needle and began to sew.
eliminate your weakness."
The needle hurt as it pierced Yohji's flesh, and he tried to open his
mouth to speak, to say, "But I don't want to be you--" but the pieces
of his body weren't connected enough. He couldn't even close his eyes
to stop watching. Then Ran became Nagi became Ran became... Yohji felt
dizzy trying to follow the transformations.
"There will be a price for this," Nagi said, his hands caressing
Yohji's reconstructed legs. Nagi smiled gently. "After a little while,
even miss it."
Ensnared in his dreams, Yohji didn't even stir when the real Nagi
returned to the cell. The telekinetic frowned at finding Yohji sprawled
on the floor beside the futon, still tangled in his blankets. Nagi
shook his head and
moved the older man back to the mattress, laid him out neatly and
the blankets over him. Nagi lingered just for a moment to brush Yohji's
slick hair back from his forehead before returning to the cushion by
When Yohji woke some time later, he had an instant sense of where he
was. Waking's supposed to be a relief... He kept his body still
and relaxed, his breathing even. In the stillness, he heard the quiet
rustle of a page turning. He's here. Well, he said he would be. I
don't think he's noticed I'm awake; I've got a little time to think
then. Just not about my dreams. Reality's bad enough.
There's damn all I can do to help any of the others now. I can't
even really help myself. No. I can't think like that. Mustn't. What
have I got? Nagi's attitude has shifted; I don't know if he even knows
it. Maybe. Doesn't matter, I guess. When this started, it was just
something Crawford wanted him to do, and he didn't give a damn about
it. Now... He wants me, to own me. And I don't think it's practical...
He hasn't thought it out. He just wants. Very primal. I can use
Or can I? He doesn't like Balinese, and without that... I'm naked.
Will I survive letting him touch Yohji? Could I prevent it? Delay, yes,
I think. Not prevent. He controls everything here but my mind, and I
don't know how long I can keep that. I might be able to get him to kill
me, but... "First: Don't die." And I don't really want to, not while
there's a chance of...
something. If I choose, if I control my... fall... I can probably put
back together later. If I fight to the end, there won't be much left.
Yohji spent a few moments focused on keeping his breathing even.
His body wanted to shiver, and he couldn't allow that. But if I
surrender... I won't be able to do my part when the other guys are
ready to escape.
He clenched his jaw then forced the muscles to relax. I hope nobody
saw that. Okay, Kudoh, look at what you just said. When not if. I think
really if... Even if it's when... Well, Ken's weeks away from being
to try. Omi's mentally out of it and in a cell like this one. Neither
them's going to help much any time soon. And by the time they can...
I'll be too much a liability then, whether I fight or surrender. I
let them take me with them even if by some miracle they still want me.
I know Ran. Aya-chan comes first. He won't even think about leaving
he can get her out, and he won't endanger her to come after me. For Omi
Maybe. But not for me. He swallowed hard. The truth is bitter,
that doesn't make it less true.
Despair washed through him, making him want to curl in tightly on
himself. With effort, he held his position, continued feigning sleep. If
I leave the others out of the equation for the moment... I guess it
comes down to one question-- Is there a way for me to own Naoe Nagi as
much as he will
me? It would be easier to answer that one if I was sure who he is. I
think... I think I could make kindness his habit. He likes the power,
though. That could go really bad. Yohji was unable to avoid a
shudder as his body
raced ahead of his articulated thoughts. He mentally dug in his heels. No.
going there. Borrowing trouble.
"Yohji-kun?" Nagi's voice was loud enough to carry but soft enough that
it probably wouldn't have woken Yohji if he'd truly still been asleep.
He noticed. Make a show of waking up. "Hmm?" Yohji rolled to
face the rest of the cell. He yawned, crunched his eyelids closed then
widened his eyes while blinking rapidly. He yawned again. "Good
morning, Nagi-san. I hope I haven't kept you waiting." Is it
morning? Damn it! Any time
I wake up is morning! It doesn't actually matter, after all.
Nagi's lips quirked in a half smile that told Yohji that the
telekinetic was perfectly well aware that Yohji didn't care who'd been
"I hope you slept well."
Yohji pushed himself up on one elbow and shrugged the other shoulder.
"Well enough." I'm not confessing to nightmares. Let's at least
pretend I've got somewhere to retreat. "I miss anything?"
"We had a brass band through earlier... But no, not much."
At Nagi's dry retort, Yohji felt a knot of tension of which he'd not
previously been aware ease. He's not in a bad mood. Thank
god. He grinned. "They play anything good?" He sat up, pulling his
blankets-- He left
me the other one-- around his body.
"Not really, no." Nagi carefully set his book on the floor. "How do you
"Um..." Like crap, but I'm not going to say that. Why not? It'd
bring out the kindness... No. I need to look like I'm not asking for
it; I don't think it's my weaknesses that interest him. Yohji
reached up to run
fingers through his hair and winced as he hit tangle after tangle. "I
Nagi nodded. "Do you think you're up to eating something first?"
No. "Maybe... Just not--" Yohji groaned as Nagi reached back and
pulled out a familiar looking cylinder. Yohji let his shoulders slump.
"I don't think so. Please..."
"Try it, Yohji-kun." Nagi's tone held no flexibility. "The doctors say
it may go down easier if you alternate with something solid, so I
you some rice. It should even still be warm."
He knew when I was going to wake up. Yohji shivered. Of
course, he did. I bet he drugged me again. With reluctance, he
raised his hands to receive the protein drink. "What's the flavor this
"Chocolate." Nagi shrugged. "You didn't seem to care much for the
peach, so..." Once Yohji'd caught the cylinder, Nagi floated a covered
tray toward the mattress. "Is there some other flavor you'd prefer?"
Yohji wrinkled his nose. So I'm not going to see the end of this
stuff any time soon... "I don't know. Any you'd recommend?"
"Well, I like chocolate generally. I've never actually tried that
Yohji unscrewed the cap. My hands are shaking. I wonder if I can
even walk? He sniffed dubiously at the contents which this time
the brown side of gray. It doesn't smell too bad. Not that it
bad last time. He took a sip then looked at Nagi. "But it wasn't so
flavor as... texture." I've damn near wrecked myself. I think I'm
than last time I woke up; I'm just feeling worse because... because
not medicating me this time. How could I be that stupid? He took
swallow and made a face. Then he reached for the tray. No. The
what's stupid. Wearing myself out was the closest I could come to
out of here for a little while. There's no way out... Nobody deals well
this sort of crap. Gotta cut myself some slack. "Rice balls?"
Nagi smiled at his surprise. "I thought it would be easier if the rice
was already divided. Besides--" His expression took on a glimmer of
malice that nearly made Yohji cringe until he realized it wasn't
at him. "The cooks here need the reminder that their ways aren't the
Are we not in Japan any more? Yohji ate some rice then took
another larger swallow of the drink. It's not so bad this time. Did
make it worse? Or was I just too worn out? Or... Never mind. Just keep
You need the fuel. Yohji worked his way quickly through both rice
beverage. He fought the temptation to linger, to delay. He's still
to be there, waiting, no matter how long I take. That realization
him want to curl up and turn his back on the world again. And what
to me if something happens to him? Will I just be left alone
or will somebody else-- Stop it! Just... Stop. You're
When he finally finished, Yohji looked at Nagi. Nagi'd picked up his
book again and seemed to be reading slowly. "Nagi-san--" Yohji shook
his head, not really sure what he wanted to say.
Nagi put down his book, carefully marking his place. "Yes, Yohji-kun?
Have you finished?"
Yohji nodded. "I'd like to shower now." I... I fucking hate this. A
man shouldn't have to feel like he's begging when he wants to wash.
Nagi picked up his book but didn't open it. "Go ahead then. You know
where everything is."
Yohji shut his eyes briefly. Of course. He's not going anywhere. I
suppose he thinks I'll smell better afterward. Is he going to do me
fought a shudder. I should be glad he's watching. I want him to
me, to admire me. I need that. I just... He opened his eyes. His
curled around the fabric of his blankets. It's not like he hasn't
me naked before. Not like everybody out there hasn't... He
Balinese could do this. He'd even enjoy it. I...
Nagi opened his book. He met Yohji's eyes. "Do you read much,
What? Yohji shook his head. "Not really, Nagi-san." I
shouldn't feel ashamed of that. Lots of people don't. Does he want me
He shrugged and forced a small smile. "It reminds me too much of
At least, the books people tell me I ought to like do." No. No, I
he's just distracting me. He's good at these mind games too. I've got
remember that. His smile became slightly more genuine. Encourage
he's being kind. "What are you reading?"
Nagi's expression became warmer in response. "Kon Tiki. It's the
story of some men who built a balsa wood raft then used it to cross the
Yohji shook his head. "Why the hell would someone do something like
"I believe they were trying to prove a theory." Nagi seemed to
consider. "I don't think it's a trip I'd want to take, but it's fun to
read about." He hesitated then went on, "If you'd like to borrow it,
Yohji-kun, I don't mind. I've read it before, so you wouldn't have to
wait. It'd be something to do."
"Please!" Yohji couldn't quite conceal his eagerness. Not that I
want to. Really. The book sounds stupid, but it'll be something to
think about that isn't... I'm going crazy alone with my thoughts, my
fears. I knew he was smart. It's a damn good trap, and I'm going to
walk into it with my
Nagi nodded firmly. "You'd better take your shower then." He turned his
eyes to the page in front of him.
Yohji pushed the blankets away and started to get up. His legs proved
less steady than he'd expected, and he almost fell. Damn! Carefully
now. You need to be able to stand on your own. He reached his feet
and managed a wobbling step. I thought I was feeling better. It
must just be that
the drugs are gone-- My brain's clearer, but my body's not quite... I
what I look like. This won't work if I look repulsive.
I don't really want this to work...
He reached the corner by the sink and spent a while brushing his teeth
and attempting to work the tangles out of his hair. Is he watching?
don't let him see you look. Yes, he's watching, and he doesn't want me
know. Good. What the hell did he do to my hair? Yohji worked at
that Nagi wasn't there. I'm not showing off for him; I'm pretending
I don't have an audience. Balinese would show off. Kudoh Yohji... Fuck
It doesn't matter what I want. I desperately need to show Nagi what
Yohji can be. Best advantage.
God. I sound like such a girl. "Am I showing him my good side?"
Finally, he ran out of excuses to delay and reached to turn on the
shower. He took his time washing. So who is Naoe Nagi? I need to
know that. There's something of Crawford, something of Schuldig, but...
I think the sense of humor's his. I hope so. I like it. He reads
adventure novels. No, from the way he talked about it, I think it's
nonfiction. Does he really want to
be either Crawford or Schuldig? When Crawford was here, Nagi didn't
to like him that much, but that could have been a put up. They were so
He hasn't turned a page in the last five minutes. Good. I'm getting
to him. I'm getting to me, too. Or maybe he is. Balinese likes an
I never thought I would. It's just... hot... knowing I'm getting to
There's a lot he doesn't know. I think wanting me surprises him. How
old is he really? Schuldig said even Nagi doesn't know. He's
wonder what it'd be like to touch him... No. Don't go there. If you
mistake that way, he'll kill you. I'm just surprised I'm noticing. I
shouldn't be. Fuck it. It's better than flinching at the sight of him,
and that's what I should be doing.
Yohji took his time washing his hair, letting himself enjoy the
process. Hair between my fingers. Slippery, smooth. A catch
there... Fingers on my scalp. Massage a little. Oh, that's good. If
only someone else were doing it... Oh, yeah, my fingers can comb
through now. No more fucking knots.
I wonder... Could I influence Nagi? I think he could be someone I could
like. Well, if none of this had happened... No. Don't go there. This is
the reality I have to deal with.
With great reluctance, he turned off the water and turned to look fully
at Nagi. See if he's got any commands...
Nagi set his book down again and cocked his head to one side. "Done?
Good. Here, I'm sure you'll want this." A towel floated from the cart
beside Nagi toward Yohji.
Yohji touched it with tentative fingers, as if afraid it would
evaporate, then clutched it to his body. No. Have to keep from
letting him see that weakness. Or at least... Look like I'm trying to
keep him from seeing it.
He shook the towel out and proceeded to rub himself dry. Luxury...
You don't think about how wonderful having a towel is until... He
squeezed water out of his hair. Is he going to take this back?
Wait. He hasn't
asked for it yet. Maybe he won't. Yohji wrapped the damp cloth
his waist. Then he stood there, waiting for Nagi to tell him what to do.
Nagi frowned a little. "You should sit down again, Yohji-kun. You're
not very strong yet. I'll have them bring more food."
Yohji nodded once, lowering his head in a motion that was more bow than
anything. What's he doing? No. Forget that. This is good, really
good. But... I want... He shivered. I do not want him
to touch me. He started walking.
Yohji froze. That was gentle. I didn't do anything wrong. He
didn't't sound angry. What--
"Come here for a second." Nagi pointed at a bit of floor near the edge
of his cushion.
Yohji felt a strange combination of ice and heat in his belly. He's
going to touch me! His breath came a little faster. I
No. Use it. Think about right and wrong later. Survival first. He
a short distance from the indicated spot and inched forward. Keep
hands down. You don't want to set him off accidentally. He clenched
his hands in the cloth of the towel then forced himself to let go as
pull stretched the cloth tight across his groin. Don't want to make
any worse. Or let him see it. God, I hope Ran's not watching.
"A little closer, Yohji-kun." Nagi remained very still as if thinking
that movement on his part might make Yohji bolt.
And it might... Except... I want this. Sour shame washed through
him, nearly choking him. Yohji edged closer. What does he want?
He stared at Nagi, then, realizing what he was doing, lowered his head
so that he looked at the floor between them.
Nagi's fingers grasped Yohji's chin, lifting it. "It's all right to
look at me." Nagi smiled. "At least this time." He moved toward Yohji
and leaned in for a kiss.
As Nagi's lips touched his, Yohji leaned forward too. Yes... He
parted his lips, allowing Nagi's tongue to slip into his mouth. I
do want this. Yohji kept his hands at his sides. I must not
him. Does he realize I want this? Am I allowed to kiss him back?
Nagi's teeth tugged gently on Yohji's lower lip, and Nagi's hands
cupped Yohji's face. Nagi pulled back for a fraction of a second to
breathe then brought their lips together again. During that moment,
moaned a protest and started to push forward. Don't stop! God, this
sick. I shouldn't want this, but... I'm hard, just from the kiss. If he
Nagi's hand crept behind Yohji's head, pulling him in closer, and Yohji
made no move to resist. Instead, his tongue moved tentatively to meet
Nagi's. He can only kill me. Yes, he could. Hell, my libido never
did have common sense.
Nagi's hand tightened a little on Yohji's neck. Yes... Yohji
started to raise a hand. No. He aborted the gesture and sobbed
a little in frustration. A fierce ache grew beneath his collarbone. I
Don't touch! Maybe...
Nagi pulled back at Yohji's sob. Their eyes met, and Nagi frowned. His
grip on Yohji's neck loosened. Nagi trailed his fingers along the side
Yohji's neck and stopped with his hand flat on Yohji's chest.
What does he see? Yohji struggled to control his breathing. His
face felt hot. Has he looked down? Fuck it. He lifted one hand
that his fingertips just touched the back of Nagi's hand. I do want
I do. No response. Is that good? Yohji bit his lip for a second
holding his breath, he lifted his other hand. He brushed the backs of
fingers across Nagi's cheek. He just shaved... I'm such a slut.
and desire clashed in Yohji's belly, roiling together to produce a sick
sensation of shame. Both hands dropped to his sides. He turned his
lowering it so that his eyes no longer met Nagi's. I don't want to
it coming. What does he think of me? He closed his eyes. "I'm
"Yohji-kun--" Nagi's voice sounded hoarse.
That's lust. Still lust. Thank god. Yohji risked opening his
"I'd almost think you wanted this..." Nagi began tracing spirals on
Yohji's chest. Nagi's facial expression flickered between puzzlement
I do. What's wrong with me? No. As long as I want... It'll make him
happy, and I'll-- Yohji nodded abruptly. "Please, Nagi-san. I--" He
shook his head in frustration. I'm going to have to say it. I just
Please don't let Ran be watching. He leaned into Nagi's touch. "I
"What do you want?" Nagi hooked a finger under Yohji's chin and lifted
then leaned to brush his lips across Yohji's.
Maybe I can... Feeling greatly daring, Yohji rested his hands
lightly on Nagi's knees. Nagi twitched, and Yohji snatched his hands
back. Apparently not.
Nagi leaned back and regarded Yohji through narrowed eyes. "What do you
want?" There was more hostility in the question this time. Nagi's eyes
wandered over Yohji's body. "Take off the towel, Yohji-kun."
Yohji hesitated. What is this? I'm not usually shy. His hands
hovered an inch or two from the towel for a moment. Then he took a deep
grasped the cloth and pulled. He couldn't bring himself to look at
And I'm damn well not looking down, either. Where-- Yes. Over his
works... Yohji felt cold then hot. Let go of the towel, Kudoh;
look stupid clutching it. My hands'll shake if I let go. Yes, but he'll
that. He released his grip and brought his hands to rest on his
Balinese wouldn't blush like this. But it's good; Nagi doesn't like
Nagi drew in his breath sharply, and he leaned forward. His fingers
stopped centimeters from Yohji's erect cock; then he drew back a little.
Please... Yohji whimpered and just barely restrained himself
from moving forward. He doesn't want me. No-- He doesn't want that.
He's never touched it before, not with his hands. His cock shrank
as he took in
the rejection. Yohji dropped his hands to the floor and leaned forward.
sorry, Nagi-san. I..." No. Last time I said something about his
he hurt me. Not again. He turned his head and laid it in Nagi's
laying his body flat on the floor and carefully keeping his hands back
of the way. He doesn't like them either, I don't think.
And I still want this. How sick is that? Yohji sighed and
nuzzled Nagi's leg as Nagi's fingers wound themselves in Yohji's damp
hair. And he still wants it, too. At least-- Yohji tilted his
head back so that he could rub his face against the bulge in Nagi's
pants. Yes. You like that, don't you? Nagi's hands clenched in
Yohji's hair. Yes. I submit. I'm begging. How the hell am I going
to live with myself? Stop it! No doubts now that I've gone this far.
"So what do you want, Yohji-kun?" Nagi's breath came rapidly making his
Yohji whimpered and raised his head a little to rub against Nagi's
hands. Do it right or you won't get anything. Do it wrong, and
he'll kill you.
"I need you to touch me, Nagi-san. I-- That's... that's all that's real
now. I--" I do want him-- No. Not him. Just... somebody. He's
smells nice. He even feels nice when he's not hurting me. "Please."
turned his face so that it pressed against Nagi's leg. I don't
Yes. I do. Too late. Just damn well say it. He wants to fuck you, but
going to have to ask. I wish... I'd like to touch his skin for once.
Nagi stroked Yohji's back. "Do I frighten you that much?" He leaned
down and kissed the back of Yohji's head.
Yohji nodded against Nagi's leg. Do I have to be here right now?
Make this decision? He opened his mouth. It's just words, and I
do want him. He shivered and curved his back into Nagi's touch.
"Where do you want me to touch you, Yohji-kun?" Nagi whispered, his
breath ghosting over the back of Yohji's neck.
Yohji raised his head again, using his arms to give himself a little
leverage. "Do you want to touch me, Nagi-san? I-- Anywhere. May I--" He
then nuzzled Nagi's crotch. He pressed his lips against the cloth
hardness he found there. "May I touch you?"
Nagi's sharp intake of breath told Yohji'd that he'd played things
correctly. He won't be thinking with his head in a moment, at
least, not the one
on his shoulders. I've still got it.
Nagi's hands moved to either side of Yohji's head and urged him upward.
Yohji scrambled to comply. He expected to be pulled in for another kiss
but instead found himself pushed gently back to his knees. Nagi
shrugged out of
A little armor gone. What does he look like under that? Yohji's
eyes followed Nagi's hands. He can hurt me with those... Or not.
Yohji put his hands together over his crotch. Nothing to be ashamed
but-- He didn't like it before. He licked his lips and forced
to look at Nagi's face.
Nagi hooked fingers above the knot of his tie. "Touch yourself." He
looked Yohji up and down. "Show me..." He pulled the tie from his neck
then stretched the cloth between his hands.
Yohji shuddered as the tie went taut with a slight pop. Go on. Give
him a show. He bit his lip and looked at the floor, wishing there
some way he could conceal the flush of shame burning his body. He
again at the thought of baring himself so. But my cock certainly
the idea. He moved one hand away and shifted his weight so that he
part his legs. Careful. Don't finish it too soon... God! He
his hand around the shaft, squeezed lightly and ran his thumb along the
tip. He threw his head back, letting his eyes slide closed and a low
escape his lips. Yes. Oh, yes.
Nagi stood, but Yohji barely noticed. His other hand crept down to cup
his balls and tease the skin of his inner thighs. There. He
God, right there!
"Enough!" The ragged edge in Nagi's voice made the command more
Yohji whimpered. Please... "Nagi-san--" His hands remained
where they had been, motionless. He opened his eyes and was surprised
to realize that Nagi was no longer in front of him. That's right.
He got up, didn't he?
"No, Yohji-kun. Not yet." Nagi sounded like he was breathing fast, but
his tone was soothing.
With reluctance, Yohji moved his hands. I think he's behind me. Oh.
He felt the air move as Nagi stepped closer to him from behind and to
the right. What does he want? Yohji turned his head. Okay.
I can do that.
Nagi had opened his pants and lowered his boxers. He stepped closer
till his knees touched Yohji's shoulder and his cock brushed Yohji's
cheek. Nagi ran gentle fingers along Yohji's hairline. "I believe you
said you wanted to touch me..."
Yohji turned his head and opened his lips. As his mouth closed around
Nagi, Yohji felt a jolt of pleasure. Almost as if I were getting
giving... He twisted himself, inching around until his entire body
Nagi. Yohji let his tongue wander. No hands. Definitely. He
his hands between his thighs and his calves. He felt Nagi's hands
in his hair. Yes, he likes that. Deeper. At least he's clean,
of soap. I can deal with that. Yohji closed his eyes. Such high
I've got... He applied gentle suction, pulling back until only the
of Nagi's shaft remained between his lips, teasing the foreskin with
tongue. Remember to breathe. Deep again.
Nagi made an inarticulate noise of pleasure and pushed his hips
forward. Yohji gagged a little but adjusted. And I don't think he
even noticed. I could finish him quick this way. Easy. But... His
own cock still stood erect, throbbing, begging for attention. But I
still... need... something.
Nagi's fingers pressed into Yohji's scalp with bruising force. I
to think. Something's not right. No. I don't need to think. Not right
I need-- Yohji began to pull back slowly. His greatest fear, that
would hold him, not allow a retreat, proved unfounded. Nagi released
grip with noticeable reluctance, but he did let Yohji move. There.
there. And... Yohji teased with tongue and breath as he moved his
alongside Nagi's cock. Careful. He won't like being scraped by your
not there. He opened his mouth wide and began to suck at Nagi's
taking in as much as he could.
Nagi sighed, and one of his hands moved to stroke Yohji's hair. We've
backed away from the edge, and he's not upset. As long as I seem to be
giving him my full attention... Gradually, Yohji sat back again,
letting his head lean against Nagi's thigh. "Nagi-san..."
"Why are you stopping?" Nagi sounded curious rather than angry, and
Yohji felt relief sweep through him, relief that left curiosity in its
wake. I don't have time for that right now.
"Nagi-san, please--" Yohji hesitated. I don't want to say it. Just
damn well do it! "Please... I want you to fuck me." He felt Nagi
sudden involuntary shifting, and heard Nagi draw in his breath sharply.
Nagi knelt beside Yohji and ran hands over Yohji's shoulders. "You
never wanted that before. You never wanted any of it before." Yohji
heard uncertainty in the words.
Yohji swallowed hard and looked away. "My body's not explaining things
to me right now. I..." He turned back toward Nagi, keeping his head
"I'm confused," he whispered. I didn't want to admit that to him.
"Of course you are." Nagi cupped a gentle hand around Yohji's chin and
lifted. "It's all right." He breathed softly in Yohji's ear then kissed
his way down Yohji's neck.
Yohji arched his neck toward Nagi's lips and sighed. Oh, yes...
Just let him lead. Let him... "Nagi-san, may I-- Is it all right if
I put my
arms around you?" Yohji felt Nagi's sudden hesitation, a stillness that
might break in any direction. Stupid. Stupid.
Then Nagi moved, pulling Yohji's body toward his own. "All right."
Yohji let his upper body relax against Nagi. I don't think he's
quite sure, but... Yohji raised his arms slowly and wrapped them
lightly around Nagi's torso. I wish he'd relax. I don't want to
think about him hurting me right now. Yohji buried his face against
Nagi's neck. The crisp cotton of Nagi's collar pressed Yohji's cheek,
and he smelled starch. What does he want now? Yohji shuddered
once then forced himself to be still.
Nagi closed his teeth on Yohji's shoulder with just enough force to
show that the bite was intentional. No. Relax. Let him do it.
still want this. Nagi ran a hand down Yohji's side, pausing briefly
the hip then continuing on. He squeezed Yohji's thigh and stroked the
with his thumb. He won't, will he? Nagi moved his hand back to
arm. No, I guess not.
Yohji felt tears prickling in his eyes. "Am I that disgusting?" he
whispered into the cloth of Nagi's shirt. Shut the fuck up, Kudoh!
to wreck this.
Nagi growled softly; Yohji felt the vibration more than heard it. Nagi
lifted Yohji's head and brought their lips together in a bruising kiss.
Yohji parted his lips in eager welcome, letting Nagi bend him backward.
Then, greatly daring, Yohji moved one of his hands against Nagi's back,
stroking. Nagi started slightly then pressed the kiss harder.
Then Nagi pulled back. "No, you're beautiful, Yohji," he replied in a
husky voice. He leaned in again and nibbled Yohji's earlobe. "Yohji.
Yohji felt a sudden spike in the tension in his loins. His hips
twitched upward, and he made a strangled noise consisting of equal
and agreement. Beautiful? I am? Of course, I am. God--
Nagi ran his hand over Yohji's chest. "Yes." The word came out half
hiss. "Mine." He teased at a nipple.
I'm acting like I want to be owned-- Yohji shied away from the
thought, moving instead to nuzzle Nagi's hand. Tease him a little.
He licked at the fingers then pulled one slowly into his mouth,
sucking, licking and nibbling at it. I can do a lot for you,
Nagi-san... If you'll let me.
Nagi pulled his hand back then trailed his saliva slicked finger along
Yohji's cheek. He outlined Yohji's lips but refused to allow his hand
be caught again. Instead, he caressed Yohji's neck, continuing down to
brush his collarbone. "Someday, Yohji," Nagi said softly, almost
in Yohji's ear. "Someday, I'm going to touch every centimeter of your
enjoy it all, but-- Not today. For now, I'm just going to fuck you. I
to see you come with me inside you."
Yohji's mind split, half panic, half lust. Not now! He sighed
mentally. The mind's divided, but the body's certain. I'd say the
He bent to kiss Nagi's neck, nudging his nose between Nagi's skin and
collar. I just wish... If I couldn't see him, I could pretend it's
A sudden thought occurred to him. "Nagi-san, do you have--" He shook
head and cleared his throat. "Did you bring lube?" Please. I don't
to improvise or...
Nagi smiled. "Don't worry, Yohji." He extended a hand to one side, and
a tube floated into his grasp. "Just lie back and enjoy it."
No! Yohji's arms tightened momentarily around Nagi, and he
buried his face in Nagi's shirt. Yes. Try a way around it...
"I--" He pulled back a little, forcing himself to loosen his grip. At
least, he didn't freak when I squeezed. That was stupid. He looked
away. "I'll get you dirty." Will he buy that? Why shouldn't he?
Nagi made a noise of displeasure and frowned. "I don't care," he
replied flatly. Then his eyes narrowed. "Are you changing your mind,
Yohji shook his head frantically, suppressing a sudden shudder of fear
as some part of his mind noted Nagi's sudden retreat to a more formal
of address. Even if I had, I wouldn't dare now... "No,
Not that. I just--" He felt a flush rising and bowed his head in
So much shame... "It might be easier if you... If you come from
Then I won't have to see you, you won't see my cock, and I won't be
to use my hands. I can pretend you're someone else, and maybe I won't
anything to make you hurt me. Please...
"Is that what you really want?" Nagi used a hand to force Yohji to look
Yohji licked his lips. Do you want me to crawl? I will. The
bitterness in his own thoughts surprised him. However much I may
hate myself for
it later... He met Nagi's eyes squarely. "It's what I want. Do you
me to beg for it?" Yes, I think you do. I suppose we'll get to that
eventually. Just, please, not today.
Nagi nodded abruptly and released his grip on Yohji's chin. "Do it,
Yohji rose to his knees and untangled the towel from his legs. He moved
awkwardly toward Nagi's cushion. He laid the towel over it then lowered
himself onto the soft surface. He bunched the pillow a little under
himself, clutching at it with his hands. That's right-- Get my ass
in the air so he can-- No. Remember, you wanted-- want-- this. He
heard Nagi moving behind
him and lowered his head, cradling it on one arm.
Nagi leaned in to stroke Yohji's back, the fabric of his shirt brushing
Yohji's buttocks. He planted kisses along the length of Yohji's spine,
stopping only when he reached the cleft of Yohji's ass. Then Nagi
molded his hands to the contours of Yohji's hips. "Up a little."
Yohji obediently raised his hips a bit further. Then he gasped as he
felt again the pressure of Nagi's telekinesis on his cock. Damn
hard to pretend he's someone else when he's using three 'hands.' Maybe
two someone elses?
He hissed a startled breath as Nagi's power squeezed gently and began
moving up and down. Fuck it. Yohji rocked his hips and moaned.
"Careful," Nagi warned, putting pressure on the tip of Yohji's
erection. "I'm not ready yet."
Yohji froze. Even his mind didn't seem to be working. He remained as
still as his ragged breathing would allow as Nagi began the task of
stretching him. As the first finger penetrated, Yohji found that he was
holding his breath and forced himself to exhale carefully. Yes...
about damn time! He twitched his hips back against Nagi's hand. Now!
Faster! Better give him something... "Please, Nagi-san-- Fuck
Nagi growled low, a possessive sound rather than a hostile one. He
leaned forward over Yohji's back and whispered, "As you wish." Then
his hand away. Almost immediately, his cock nudged at Yohji's entrance.
Wait! No! I'm not ready-- But I-- I want-- Yohji clenched his
hands around the cushion and struggled not to scream as Nagi entered
more violently than he had previously done. Hurts! No... Good. Oh,
Yohji moaned and pushed his body back against Nagi's in response to
pleasure that only part of him was feeling. Hurts... No. Yes. No.
He forced his mind and body to focus on what felt good. Time to
figure the rest out later...
Then one of Nagi's thrusts found Yohji's prostate. "Yes! There,
Nagi-san! Right there--" Yohji threw his head back, clenching his jaw
in an effort
to delay his climax as Nagi found that sweet spot again.
"Don't fight it," Nagi commanded breathlessly. "Come for me. I want to
Yohji rolled his eyes back just enough to see Nagi's face. He's
just barely holding on himself. Yohji inhaled and very deliberately
relaxed into the tension that threatened to swallow him. He lost
himself for a moment and was only dimly aware of Nagi's release. When
Yohji became aware of his surroundings again, he realized that he'd
collapsed forward with Nagi on
top of him and could feel a warm wetness on the towel beneath him.
That was amazing. God, I haven't felt like that since... I don't
He blinked as a contrary thought rose. That was awful. He wasn't
gentle, he didn't stretch me enough, and it hurt like hell. I... don't
understand. I wanted it. I asked for it, but... I don't get off on
pain. But I did this time. Before Yohji could analyze his
confusion, Nagi stirred.
"That was amazing," he murmured, running fingers through Yohji's hair.
Then Nagi rolled to one side. He pulled Yohji up against him and
both arms around him.
Yohji sighed and relaxed against Nagi. I won't think about it yet.
I'll just... feel whatever I feel. No. I need to sort this out before I
drown. Satisfaction-- Okay, that's normal enough. Exhaustion-- I'm
still in pretty bad shape. Shame-- I'll play the whore to survive. Not
what I want, but... Triumph-- I got what I wanted. I won. I did?
Possessive pride-- What? I
don't understand. Yohji felt his body starting to tense. No. I
afford to upset him now. He's pleased with himself, with me. It's safer
just to relax.
He gave a little sigh and did his best to cuddle up to Nagi. I'm
too bony now to do this properly. How much weight have I lost?
After a moment, Nagi moved again. "You must be exhausted, Yohji-kun. Do
you want me to help you get to your bed?"
Back to formal address, but I think it's okay now. He's not thinking
I'm rejecting him. But moving away could be bad right now. "I'd
to rest here for a moment, Nagi-san. Maybe after... after you get
Nagi moved back, carefully unwinding his arms from Yohji's body. Nagi
laughed softly and patted Yohji's shoulder. "All right. Just let me
know if you
need anything. I plan to take very good care of you." He stood.
And so you should. What? Yohji's body jerked slightly as he
tried to stop the flow of his feelings so that he could examine them. I've
surrendered to him, but part of me's reacting like I've established
myself as pack alpha. What the hell is going on in my head? The arm
and shoulder pressing into the floor began to hurt, so he pulled
up till he was sitting. Look at the weird things... Triumph.
Dominance. Damn. Even how I felt when I started giving him that blow
I'm not-- Fuck!
Those weren't, these aren't my feelings-- They're his! Yohji
looked up at Nagi. "What have you done to me?" he demanded, the words
coming out half snarl and half plaintive wail. He swallowed
convulsively as fear tightened his throat.
Nagi's eyes narrowed a little.
Bewilderment. Hurt. "Get the fuck out of my head!" Yohji wrapped
his arms over his head in a vain attempt at shielding and started to
rock back and forth.
Puzzlement. Vague anger. "Yohji-kun," Nagi responded with
careful patience, "I only did what you asked. It's too late to change
He's got more control after he's gotten laid... Yohji shoved the
thought aside as irrelevant. Not now! He shook his head. He
doesn't know! Whatever the hell this is, he doesn't know. For a
moment, survival instinct displaced all emotion. Don't let him find
out. Yohji curled himself down until his head touched his knees and
continued to rock. "I can't-- I thought-- But I can't." But I
could. I did. This position almost literally rubs my nose in it. What
the hell have they done to me?
Nagi crouched and touched Yohji's arm, and Yohji flinched. Use it.
That hurt him. "Don't touch me!" He let his voice soften into
pleading. "Please, Nagi-san. You're everywhere, and I can't get away.
Just-- Don't touch me."
"Sit up then." Nagi's tone was even, but Yohji's gut clenched. Nagi
straightened to his full height.
He doesn't want me to know that he feels this. Yohji pulled his
body in as tightly as he could. Half an hour ago, I'd have thought
was reading inflection, body language, something... But I'm not. Am I
or-- What have they done to me? No. Not now. Yohji straightened
He kept his eyes on Nagi with a wariness that he didn't have to fake.
Nagi raised his hand, and Yohji shied back with a violence that
surprised both of them. This time, a flicker of hurt did cross Nagi's
face. He lowered his hand. "A few minutes ago, you were begging for me
to touch you." Nagi's lips curled in a sneer. "You certainly seemed to
Anger. Yes. Make him angry; he won't think then, won't realize--
Yohji curled his own lip, letting Nagi's growing anger become his own.
"I played the way you wanted. Didn't it please you? You certainly acted
like it was what you wanted." If I really piss him off, he'll hurt
me again. Can I take that? Better that than-- "You're the rapist
here, Nagi-san. And the amateur."
Nagi's open hand smashed into Yohji's cheek, knocking him into an
ungainly sprawl. "Whore," Nagi said without heat, but cutting anger
shone in his
Yohji pulled himself back to his knees. That bastard hurt me! Well,
I'll show him. I know just how to hurt him back. A distant part of
Yohji's mind tried to remind him that the rage was borrowed and that
acting on it didn't fit the plan, but Nagi's hurt anger had already
melded with Yohji's suppressed fury, shame and fear.
"I suppose you'd know." Yohji bit off each word and spat it at Nagi.
"You've been there. You've done it. Can you honestly tell me that you
him-- the man who raped you-- just what he wanted? Never hoped he'd be
pleased? That he'd be kinder? That he'd stop sooner?"
Nagi went utterly white, utterly still.
You feel it, you son of a bitch? Good. "Of course not. You're
better than that. Too smart. Too strong. Too damn powerful. You always
have a fucking choice." Yohji paused and licked his lips. He's
going to kill you,
that distant part of his mind shouted, but he ignored it and went on.
"And it never worked well enough to keep you safe, did it? You were
never good enough to make him go away. Did he make you thank him for
Yohji glared at Nagi. "Did he make you plead for it? Did he make you
him?" He lowered his voice while maintaining its intensity. "Did he
you say it?"
Nagi stepped back, his movements slowed by a visible tremor.
Now he's going to kill me. Funny. I'm not really scared...
But Nagi wouldn't meet Yohji's eyes. Instead, he turned and walked
toward the door. It opened, and he passed through without so much as a
Yohji stared at the closed door for a moment before a smile of savage
triumph spread across his face. I won! I hurt him for a change. I
But, that doubting part of his mind asked, what happens when
he comes back?
Never mind. I want a shower.
Back to Index.
Back to Part 6.
On to Part 8.