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Disclaimer: Weiss and Schwarz do not belong to me. I'm borrowing them for my and (I hope) my readers' amusement only and have no intention of trying to make money off of them in any way, shape or form.

Warnings: This is an omake; don't take it too seriously. Possible spoilers for parts of "Rheotaxis." Swearing.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: None

Author: Amy the Evitable
Last updated: 22 January 2003

Rheotaxis Omake 1: Ken-ken versus The Nurse


Thump, thump, thump.

The plaster was starting to chip. A few more years of this, and he'd have a hole in his cast. And a very sore leg.


The pain subsided quickly. They must still be giving him the good drugs. He glared balefully at the i.v. shunt sliding into his elbow. He glared even more balefully at the board his arm was bound to, holding the joint straight. And if looks could melt metal, the degree of baleful he was aiming at the handcuffs that bound his arms to the bedframe so he couldn't reach over and remove the damn plastic port with the other hand would have melted the cuffs long ago.

"I told you. If you don't stop taking that out, I will tie you down." He'd never met a nurse before who was serious when she said something like that.

Then again, he'd never met a nurse before who could tell what he was thinking about her ass, either. It wasn't like he hadn't been honest – a few months of StairMaster, and the view might be worth it. It wasn't his idea to have her bend down in front of him,, after all.

Bored, bored, bored. Boring beyond boredom. Boring beyond belief. Bored.

He went back to thumping his cast. Pain, at least, wasn't boring.

Hey, if he hit the edge of the cast against the chains rather than the center, it hurt in a different way. It left a lingering ache that was totally different from the sharp twinges he'd been getting before. He alternated between the two, creating rhythms.

Thud-thud-thud bump-bump. Thud-thud-thud bump-bump. Thud-thud-thud bump-bump.

Previously he'd been jingling his chains to the tunes of his favorite music. It gave him a much wider variety of sounds than the simple percussion currently available to him. He thought he'd gotten down a pretty damn good rendition of Jingle Bells. Then that bitch had wound gauze around the chains, muffling the noise.

And then she'd called in Crawford.

"I told you it wasn't good for his recovery to drug him any further, Mr. Crawford."

The glasses had been pushed back the whole micrometer they'd slid down the nose. "Yes, you did."

"I am sorry to report that not drugging him any further may have more adverse effects on his recovery than continuing to abstain. Mr. Crawford."

An eyebrow went up. "He's still trying to get out of bed?"

"He's… sufficiently restrained to keep him from getting out of bed in an attempt to either flee or, I quote, 'Kick your sorry Schwarz asses.'"

Crawford looked annoyed. It looked good on his face. Ken wanted to see that annoyed expression there as much as possible.

"My apologies, I'm simply trying to insure my report is as complete as possible, Mr. Crawford."

"Of course."

"I'm afraid that the current threat to his well-being involves his interactions with the staff, Mr. Crawford."

"How so?"

"If you do not give him something to keep busy, Mr. Crawford, we will string him up by his toes and leave him for the roaches."

Ken grinned, all friendly-like, at the man in white who was looking as though he had a headache.

Score: Nurse 1, Ken-ken 0

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