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Author: Amy the Evitable a.k.a. LunarGeography
Rating: Mature adults.
Warnings: Dark in theme, but not entirely unrelentingly. Nasty things implied, but left to the imagination.
Last Updated: 2 February 2008

Ascending Pain

"There, there – I assure you, really, there's no need to work so hard to fight back the tears. Go ahead, let them flow. You can even sob a bit if you like. There, there."

Wetness overflowed stinging eyelids, ran down. A brief trailing of warmth down a cheek, and then a moment of more intense chill from the lingering wet. Then another trail of warmth, and another, faster yet.

"Goodness, no, I'd never mock you for weeping. Why ever should you think such a thing? It's perfectly appropriate to the situation. You know very well that what I'm going to be doing to you is going to be quite horrific. You're not foolish, you know you're facing a very prolonged and nasty death, at best. I mean, really, it's rather flattering to me that I'm pulling this reaction out of you when I've scarcely begun to touch you."

A gentle pressure down the side of a cheek, the edge of a jaw – gentle pressure, but a searing heat, as though a branding iron had caressed the face.

"That inability to hide your feelings – it's endearing, really. One of so many things to love about you." Whimpers echoed from walls. "It's adorable when you try, but I'd be even more pleased if you gave in and responded honestly to me."

A long vowel noise of pain, that surged and was choked off, only to surge again.

"Oh, that's very good. You really are a darling boy. Now let's get these out of the way – I won't have anything blocking my access to your perfect canvas"

A sound of tearing cloth. A burning scent, not entirely unpleasant.

"My, my. You're actually trying to hide out of shame. Actual shame! You're not just trying to protect those vulnerable bits. How precious! Really, I'm starting to feel very fond of you. I can't remember how long it's been since I've had something this adorable. Listen, little one, just for you – because you are pleasing me so greatly – once I'm done with  you, I'll use the tiniest portion of it to take your revenge on the one who handed you over to me."

"Handed me... over?" Voice hoarse and soft, as though the throat was raw.

"Oh yes, you were betrayed. Your very own Judas, though you were spared the kiss. If it makes you feel any better, he didn't entirely know what he was doing when he collected a few items from you, made a few inquiries about you. He doesn't really believe I am what I say I am – he'd rather think I'm some eccentric rich freak, and was happy to co-operate with my delusions in return from some paltry material gain. He actually thinks he got a cheap bargain – well, so do I. You're such a rare vintage; I would have paid far more for you.

"I hate to spoil my palate with one like him, but because you're so delightful, I'll make sure he pays for doing this to you – pays in full, precious."

A shaking of the head from side to side brought about a lurching dizziness.

"No? Really? You don't want me to take your revenge? Such a sweet boy. I would not have believed it. No wonder they're so enraged at your loss." A rich, throaty chuckle. "So sweet, so appealing, here I am, telling you things I ought not! Against my better judgment, I will let you know.  They're quite frantic."

Touching again, obscene, gentle agony in too-intimate places. The raw interior of the throat vibrates with a plea, and more heat spills from the eyes.

"Tell me, have you --"

Nothing. Sudden silence, falling like an iron portcullis.

Nothing. No taste, no scent, no sensation. Empty, bleak. At least despair would be something.

Then the pain flooded back.

"Ooooh, yes. Ahhh... so nice, lovely one, so very nice."

A shrill scream, then hitching sobs, like a child's. The taste of blood in the back of the mouth.

"You're curious, aren't you? You naughty boy! There were conditions on my acquisition of you, rules, and you're coaxing me to break them. You're so sweet, I do so want to spoil you... I will tell you this much. Her hands are tied. All the wards, all the curses, all the protections in all the universes that could be placed on you, they do no good with what your Judas gave me. You're being rubbed out. You will have never been. All the consequences she has created to punish any who dare to to this – Oh, yeeeesssss, yessss, yesss, bleed for me! Ah! – any who dare do this to you, amount to nothing if you've never been. If you're plucked out entirely."

Motion, a body being lifted, suspended, repositioned – dizzying, disorienting swinging motions.

"Oh, don't cry. I'll remember you. So will she. There are a few of us that exist who can remember what never was, and trust me, you'll be a memory I cherish deeply. This time we're spending together will be a warm treasure to bide me though the cold eons. All the stars will be burnt away, and the last heat will fade into the blackness, and I will still remember you. I will still love you,  in my own way. You'll want to take a deep breath, now."

A noise.  A noise that no human throat could make. Dear god, let it not be.  Let it not be that something could be done to a human body and soul that would make possible – make necessary – that noise.  Please let it not be. Please.

It went on and on, that noise no human should make. And on even longer.

"Precious, precious, beautiful boy. Your magic is the sweetest taste I've had since the firmaments were laid down. I've been hungry for so long, and your magic and your pain, they almost gave me a moment's surcease then. So good. For that, sweet one, I shall grant you a boon. Not your freedom, and not your life – nothing quite so expensive, lovely Kimihiro."

Aftershocks of agony, limbs convulsing in rhythm with heartbeat. Worse than the spiking pain was the hollowness. Something taken, and the cold left behind wasn't of the flesh. Apathy, anhedonia, despair – these were like the spreading cold of the soul.

"A question first? Ask away, precious."

But there was still some fire left.

"Him? Oh, yes, beloved, he's fighting himself bloody to try and get to you. He's quite impressive, I admit, but having tasted you myself, I understand why he's so desperate to retrieve you! It's quite hopeless for him, I'm afraid, though I do look forward to seeing how much damage he does to himself in the attempt."

More tears, and they burned as they fell down the temples to the hairline, trailing over damaged skin.

"Tears for him? You have them left to shed... You are a wonder. You wish to save him from suffering? Give me his true name, and with it, for him alone, I will hasten the erasing. You will not have existed for him, and he will feel no need to keep pushing himself beyond human limits to reach you – he will not even have the grief of having lost you. Because you have pleased me so, precious Kimihiro, I will spare him from the suffering – but you have to give me his true name."

Air moved, a susurrus, and the mouth formed shapes, but the voice was incapable of making anything other than a scratching sound.

"No, he would not thank you for doing that. That is true. Well, if you don't wish to do so... Your hope is a thing to marvel at, little one, but he can not reach you. I have taken away your sight to ensure that. I know you share an eye with him, and if you could see... If you could, there would be the smallest chance that the link could lead him to you. Though it is highly unlikely he would survive the trip. But I have taken your vision. There is no link, because there is no sense for him to share. He cannot reach you."

Stubborn. Irrational. The tremendous overflowing of energy that usually forced an escape through wildly spastic actions was still there... still hoped. And a will, bent and mangled but not broken, chose a boon.

"You wish me to swear to do him no harm? Ahhh, precious. He cannot reach you, but I am old enough to have seen how unexpectedly costly such promises can be. And he is her servant. This may not be the only time he and I are at odds. It is not a small boon you ask, lovely one."

A pause, as though all the universe held the same breath.

"A bargain. Your word. What we did a few moments ago – I wish to do that again. To hear that scream again. To feel my hunger cease once again, no matter how briefly. And of course, precious, I need nothing from you to do it again, not even your permission – but I felt your heart stutter. I felt your soul nearly flicker out, felt how much you wanted it to flicker out so that what you were feeling would stop. If you die in the process, I do not get what I want – and I will have squandered all the lesser pleasures I can exact from you. So. Pledge to me that you will live through it. Endure it, survive, and I will take no action to willingly and knowingly harm him. I swear this by the cold darkness that devours all things."

A wash of cold, horror. Again? Could that be survived again?  Defeat moved away, just a little. What would flow forward to take its place?

A memory. The night before the world had faded into darkness and pain.

Stronger than hope was the burning need in the chest, the need to protect. From that came the thinnest rasp, a mockery of a voice: "Agreed."

The moon was high, as he sat next to her on the long porch. She handed him a cup, and told him to drink. It wasn't sake, he realized when he was done – this was intoxicating, but different, somehow.

She'd looked at him, eyes too solemn, and had asked, "Watanuki, have you ever heard of synaesthesia?"

From immeasurably far away, Doumeki held to the the sounds, the scents, the sensations, and most of all the pain, following the fragile thread they made, and pushed forward.

Watanuki was expecting him.


Author's Note: My muse should be taken out and shot. I asked for nice uncomplicated porn, and she gave me this weird little dark experiment in point of view. Can you help me out by answering a question or two if you comment, just to help me with my writing technique?

First: Whose point of view do you think this is?

Second: Did the weird voice get in the way of the story? Did it break the mood?

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